People who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display these 10 subtle behaviors

From the Personal Branding Blog

Navigating human interactions can be like walking through a maze. People aren’t always what they seem – and that’s particularly true when it comes to niceness.

Some folks wear a mask of kindness that hides their true intentions. They may smile, nod, and agree with you, all while scheming behind your back.

Spotting these fake nice people isn’t always easy, but it becomes simpler once you know what to look for.

In this article, I’ll share ten subtle behaviors often displayed by people who only pretend to be nice. Keep an eye out for these signs and save yourself from unnecessary drama and deceit.

1) Excessive flattery

In the game of human interaction, flattery can be a powerful tool. But sometimes, it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

People who pretend to be nice often use excessive praises and compliments as a guise. They’ll applaud your every move, agree with your every word, and make you feel like a star.

But remember, flattery that doesn’t feel genuine probably isn’t. It’s a classic ploy of those who merely pretend to be nice, but have ulterior motives.

This behavior is often used to win your trust or favor. They shower you with compliments not because they truly admire you, but because they want something from you.

Be cautious when someone seems overly complimentary. It might be their subtle way of manipulating you into doing what they want.

2) They are never wrong

It’s odd how some people can never admit when they’re wrong. I’ve had experiences with individuals who always seem to have an excuse or a counter-argument ready for every situation.

There was a colleague of mine who would always spin things in his favor, no matter the circumstance. Even when he clearly messed up, he would find a way to deflect the blame or make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.

People who pretend to be nice often have this trait. They can’t admit their faults because it goes against the image they’re trying to portray. Instead, they shift blame and avoid taking responsibility.

It’s a subtle sign, but once you notice it, you’ll see it’s a clear indicator that their niceness might just be a facade.

3) They’re always in a hurry

Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to be rushing around, never sparing a moment to stop and chat? This could be a subtle sign that their niceness isn’t genuine.

People who are constantly in a hurry are less likely to engage in altruistic behaviors. This is due to the fact that they’re so preoccupied with their own tasks and goals that they don’t have the time or mental space to genuinely care about others.

If someone is always too busy to talk or lend a helping hand, it might be because their niceness is just a show. Their constant state of hurry prevents them from forming authentic connections and engaging in genuine acts of kindness.

4) Inconsistent behavior

Consistency is the key to authenticity. When someone shows a pattern of inconsistency, it’s often a red flag that their niceness could be a facade.

These individuals might be pleasant and agreeable one day, then cold and distant the next. They might be extremely kind in public, but display a completely different attitude in private.

This inconsistency can be confusing and unsettling. It leaves you questioning what’s genuine and what’s not. If you notice this kind of erratic behavior, it’s a good clue that their outward niceness may not be rooted in genuine goodness.

5) They are overly competitive

Friendly competition can be a good thing, but when someone shows an excessive need to win, it’s often a sign that their nice persona might just be a mask.

Overly competitive individuals often prioritize their own success over the feelings and needs of others. They’ll step on anyone to get ahead, all while maintaining a facade of friendliness and cooperation.

If someone always needs to be the best, the smartest, or the most successful, it’s worth considering whether their niceness is genuine. Their competitiveness might point to a deep-seated self-centeredness that contradicts their outward show of niceness.

6) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of genuine kindness. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When someone lacks empathy, it can be a strong indicator that their niceness isn’t real.

It’s heartbreaking when you open up to someone, only to receive a cold or indifferent response. You might have shared your deepest fears, hopes, or struggles, expecting compassion and understanding. But instead, they respond with detachment or even disregard.

This lack of empathy is a painful sign that their niceness might be nothing more than a pretense. A truly nice person will care about your feelings and show you warmth and understanding when you need it most.

7) They rarely listen

I remember once pouring my heart out to a friend about some struggles I was going through. She nodded and smiled throughout the conversation, but when I finished talking, she immediately changed the subject. It was as if she hadn’t heard a single word I’d said.

Listening is a hallmark of true niceness. It’s about giving someone your full attention, showing interest in what they have to say, and responding in a way that shows you care.

When someone consistently fails to listen or seems uninterested in what you have to say, it’s a strong indication that their niceness might be just a show. Genuine people listen, respond empathetically, and make you feel valued.

8) They’re overly agreeable

It might seem odd, but agreeing with everything you say isn’t necessarily a sign of niceness. In fact, it could be a subtle sign of the opposite.

People who pretend to be nice often avoid conflict at all costs. They’ll agree with you, even when they don’t, just to keep the peace or to make themselves appear more likable.

But authentic people aren’t afraid to express their own opinions, even if they differ from yours. They value honesty over pretense. So, if someone is always agreeing with you, they may not be as nice as they appear.

9) They’re quick to judge

Judgment and niceness don’t usually go hand in hand. Yet, people who pretend to be nice often have a knack for passing judgments on others.

These individuals might disguise their judgments as concern or advice. But at the heart of it, they’re quick to point out others’ flaws or mistakes. They seem to take pleasure in highlighting the shortcomings of others, even while maintaining a facade of kindness.

If you notice someone is frequently judgemental, it could be a sign that their niceness isn’t as genuine as it seems. Truly nice people are understanding and accepting, rather than critical and judgmental.

10) They use guilt as a tool

The most telling sign of all? People who pretend to be nice often use guilt as a weapon.

They’ll make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations, for saying no, or even for confronting them about their behavior. This is a manipulative tactic designed to control you and maintain their image of niceness.

Genuine people never use guilt to get their way. They respect your boundaries, appreciate your honesty, and never make you feel guilty for being true to yourself.

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